Requesting Instructions

Dearest Creator,

I would like to say thank you for the gifts I have received. You placed me into a loving family. You gave me strength to overcome my past and heal on an emotional level. You saw to my physical needs such as a roof over my head, food to eat, and clothes on my back. You have also seen it in your heart to bless me with an amazing best friend, my husband. You truly out-did yourself when you gave us our children. They are intoxicatingly gorgeous and are turning out to be such wonderful people with awesome personalities. I do, however, have a few questions.

Why must everything be life or death? I’ll give you one example for each kid.

This morning, D woke up yelling. He was calling for daddy, who had already left for work. In the 1.7 seconds it took me to bolt out of bed and fly to his bedroom door, his screaming escalated as if the grim reaper was right behind him. I immediately ripped the gate out from his doorway, threw it into my room, and lunged to whisk him away from his obvious impending doom. After surveying the room and finding no danger, I asked him why he was screaming. Between high pitched screams he sobbed, “I go pee now.” Sigh. He just had to pee and couldn’t get the gate to his room off like he had done all week. I’m awake now.

Lila, who continues to receive a clean bill of health from her doctor, is convinced she is about to starve to death the moment she sees her bottle. My sweet little angel, who moments before was playing happily with her toys and giving no indication that she might be hungry, turns into an almost unrecognizable creature as she screams and sobs and reaches for her bottle which is being made. She practically hyperventilates during the few seconds it takes to get it into her mouth after the bottle is set in front of her. At night, when giving her the last bottle of the day, she can be sound asleep and suck that bottle dry. We’ve learned that in order to keep her asleep, we have to be very quick. Almost no time can elapse between the bottle being removed from her mouth until the pacifier goes in. If even ½ a second is allowed pass, she wakes up crying, and will continue crying for the next 2 hours. Apparently all of those exercises in Phy. Ed. to improve your reflexes were actually good for something!

When will they learn that NO doesn’t mean keep trying until your parents get so frustrated that they are willing to duct tape you to the wall just for 3 seconds of motionlessness? I now understand why You made them cute. It’s so we don’t kill them! I also now understand why some species eat their young. I’ve gotten really good at counting to 10…backwards…with my eyes closed…again…and again…and again…

I believe You have a sense of humor. I mean, come on, you have to! I’ve seen the giraffe, a duck-billed platypus, and the rhinoceros. Whenever my little boy looks at me with his big, bright blue eyes and says or does something that makes me question my ability to be a parent, I KNOW you see my questioning look that says “Seriously?” directed toward the sky. I can only imagine You sitting in Heaven on your throne, looking down at me with a smirk and just waiting to see what happens next.

Children are wonderful, magnificent, bright, energetic little turkeys. They are my humbling pride. One moment I’m marveling at the very existence of these miniature people and the next moment I’m on my knees begging for sweet release from my worldly torment. No sleep, poopy diapers, spit-up, crying, no sleep, tantrums, time-outs, potty training, no sleep, feeding, washing, dressing, carrying, no sleep. I wouldn’t have it any other way. They’re only little once. Too soon they will be going to school. I’ll have to walk my little babies into Kindergarten. I hope the teacher has a box of tissues handy.

Life is a never-ending lesson. A person can’t ever truly know it all. Those that think they do need to pray more. We may be parents, but we’re still children to You. You are the real parent. I started out this letter with the intent of asking for instructions on how to get my children to behave and how to make them stop doing the things that annoy me. I just realized that I was going to ask how to make my children not act like children.

With this letter, I would, instead, like to request guidance and patience so that I can raise my children to be the people that You meant them to be. Please open my eyes so that I can see that they are just children. They do no see things as I see them. They do not know the things I know. It’s up to us on earth to teach them Your ways. Show me how I need to be so that I can show them.

Your forever child and with sincere love,

Me